Dear Daniel Gilbert,
Let me first start by saying this is very tough.
I want to start by apologizing for not notifying you in advance of my decision to not come back to the Cleveland Cavaliers. In all honesty, I went out and got the new 4G iPhone the day before my ESPN ‘Decision’ special, and I wanted to set-up a video call to you, but it was hard to get a good signal in Cleveland, which is why I went out and bought the Motorola Droid today in South Beach.
Anyways, as you know by now, I have decided to take my talents to South Beach and join the Miami Heat. I have been with the Cavs organization the last 7 years, with the last 5 years under your ownership. And there’s one thing that really got under my skin.
Do you realize that during the last 5 years you have never once given me a hug? Not once.
I’m writing you to let you know that LeBron James doesn’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. I deserve so much more. All I ever wanted from you was a hug. Nothing more, nothing less. I never asked much of you, and it really pisses me off that you couldn’t take time out of your hectic schedule to give me a 10-second man hug.
So here’s what I’m going to do. I want to make one statement to you tonight:
“LEBRON JAMES GUARANTEES THAT THE VALUE OF YOUR CLEVELAND CAVALIERS FRANCHISE WILL DIMINISH BY $75 MILLION DOLLARS BEFORE LEBRON JAMES WINS HIS 2ND NBA CHAMPIONSHIP.”
You can take that to the bank.
You purchased the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise in 2005 for $375 million. When our season ended this past season, it was valued at $476 million. Why do you think that is? It’s all because of me. I have made you so much money over the last 5 years, and you still can’t find it in your heart to give me one damn hug. You don’t deserve what I brought to your franchise. I put the Cleveland Cavs franchise on the map for you.
But it’s okay, I’m over it and I’ve moved on.
Do you mind if I ask you a random question? If this gets out to the public, I will deny it to my death. Chris and Dwayne both told me on separate occasions last year that they called my cell phone during one of our regular season games in April. They said that you answered my phone inside the locker room and pretended to be me. I don’t mind if you did, but what I want to know is, at any point in your conversations with them that night, did they mention to you that we have been planning this arrangement since the Olympics in 2008? Did they mention that Pat Riley was in on the entire operation?
We tried using code names and phrases to hide our collusion techniques from everyone.
Did you ever hear us using the phrase, CSI: Miami? I bet you really thought we all got together on Monday nights to watch the show, huh? I don’t know if you noticed, but the length of all our contracts are the same. We signed for 6 years each to see how this might work, but if it doesn’t work out, all 3 of us can opt out after the 4th year and go to another city. And trust me when I tell you, I will do another ‘Decision’ special. Don’t get your hopes up though, Chris doesn’t like Cleveland.
Another question I have for you is regarding the 10 foot story sign of me in downtown Cleveland. I know you took it down yesterday, but what are you going to do with it? If you’re not going to put it up in your mansion, is there any chance I can get that back from you?
Apparently, Miami is working with Nike so they can fix it and hang it on the side of the Clevelander Hotel in South Beach. So if you can send that overnight to me, I’d greatly appreciate it. I’d even be willing to pay for the shipping. I just signed a $110 million contract, but you probably don’t want to hear about that. Have it sent to American Airlines Arena since I don’t have a mailing address down here yet. Once I buy my first mansion down here, I’ll be sure to text message you my address.
Now I know you want me to take the curse of Cleveland, Ohio with me to South Beach, but my team of smart advisors have advised me that this would not be a good idea.
I will be leaving the curse of Cleveland with you, and until you do right by me (all I need is a hug), you will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Just watch.
Sleep well, Danny-boy.
Tomorrow is supposed to be in the mid 90’s here in South Beach.
In Cleveland, it’s supposed to be overcast with a chance of thundershowers (and you were shocked I didn’t stay in Cleveland, when I can relax in unbelievable weather down here in Miami).
TEAM JAMES PROMISES you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge, and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING TO AMERICA several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up ‘SPECIALS’ that is unlike anything you’ve ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and entertainment.
LBJ - The King
LEBRON “KING” JAMES
Proud member of the Miami Heat
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